Reach for the Better Feeling Thought

Have you ever noticed how a feeling, either emotional or physical, occurs with almost every thought?  I had known from previous experiences how my emotions fluctuate with my thoughts, but I had not made the connection that passing thoughts can affect me physically.  I keep a to-do list and it usually grows, then shrinks, then grows and shrinks again.  Last week, however, was filled with unexpected meetings and my list kept growing and growing.  As I noticed this, and felt pressure to get everything done before I go on vacation in two weeks, I could feel my abs tighten.  This happened throughout the entire week.  On Friday, as I reviewed my list before the weekend, I felt my abs tighten again and I realized – this is probably what gives people ulcers. 

My very next thought was, I don’t want an ulcer!  I relaxed and then considered how other thoughts have caused different physical feelings.  When my husband pays me compliments, I feel a lightness in my chest.  When my kids work my last nerve, I feel tension in my shoulders.  When I hear something truly uplifting, I feel a wave of goosebumps.

Thinking on this brought me back to when I battled depression. I recalled the unkind thoughts I used to keep about myself.  Even though I can’t relate to those thoughts today, I remember how they once made me feel.  They filled me with tension and a frantic energy.  At the time, I suffered from anxiety and bouts of insomnia.  I now suppose that those were the physical result of such discordant thoughts.  Sadly, at the time, I chocked it up to me being “messed up and made like that.”  Overcoming those thoughts took time, but became easier after I developed a trick.  I began to reach for a better feeling thought.

It’s a habit that grew more out of avoidance than strategy.  For example, I used to often think that I was a terrible daughter and a disappointment to my dad.  The opposite of that would have been to say, “I am a great daughter and I make my father proud.”  At the time, there was no way I would have been able to hold that thought and feel anything but resistance to it.  Even so, I couldn’t stand the way it felt thinking I was a disappointment, and eventually settled on, “I love my family and want to make them proud.”  This was true and felt much better.  Another example from that time of my life was a recurring thought that “I wasn’t special or worth anyone’s time,” which I traded in for, “I try hard and always have somebody to talk to.”  Notice that I didn’t jump to, “I am special and people want to spend time with me.”  There’s no way, from the dark perspective that had become my baseline, I was going to believe that.  I would have been lying to myself and that carries its own discord. 

These weren’t monumental shifts, but they were enough to get me through my darkest days.  It’s a much more subtle version of the reframing technique I shared in my post about flipping the script on fear.  If you, or anybody you know, is struggling with obtrusive thoughts that hurt physically or emotionally, help them find a better feeling thought. Look for a thought that is light and believable and whenever the disempowering thought makes an appearance, simply swap one for the other – it gets easier with practice and can open you up to a world of opportunity.